Covert Abuse and Coercive Control Lethality Risks: PSA from Ruth Darlene Patrick at WomenSV
Covert abuse and coercive control are more than just emotionally harmful forms of domestic abuse - they are lethality risks. Ruth Darlene Patrick, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, is working to strengthen domestic violence prevention through education and awareness. With a thorough understanding of covert abuse and coercive control lethality risks, advocates and service providers can better assist survivors in securing the safety and protection they need.
About Ruth Darlene Patrick and WomenSV
Ruth Darlene Patrick is a longtime educator and advocate focused on the dangers of coercive control and covert abuse. She founded WomenSV (Women of Silicon Valley) in 2011 to address the unique challenges faced by women dealing with powerful, sophisticated abusers who weaponize status, wealth, and credentials to control and silence their victims. Over the past 14 years, she has advocated for over 1500 survivors and trained thousands of providers working in education, healthcare, law enforcement, the legal system and domestic violence advocacy.
WomenSV is a nonprofit educational center dedicated to raising awareness about coercive control and covert abuse. The organization educates survivors, service providers, and communities with training and informational resources. WomenSV’s programs help people identify warning signs of coercive control, develop strategies for documenting abuse and improve survivor safety.
WomenSV’s efforts have been recognized nationwide for their impact on domestic violence prevention and response. From community presentations to professional development workshops, WomenSV is committed to expanding public understanding of covert abuse and coercive control.
Defining Covert Abuse
Covert abuse, or covert coercive control, is a subtle, often insidious form of emotional and psychological manipulation. Unlike overt abuse, which is visible and more easily identifiable, covert abuse can be difficult to detect. It involves tactics that undermine a person's sense of self, erode confidence, and create dependency—all without leaving physical scars or forensic evidence behind.
Examples of covert abuse include:
Gaslighting: A manipulative tactic in which the abuser causes the victim to question their memory, perception, or sanity.
Love Bombing: Overwhelming someone with affection, gifts, and praise to gain control, only to later withdraw or use that affection as leverage.
Intermittent Reinforcement: Alternating between kindness and cruelty, which confuses the victim and strengthens emotional dependency.
Veiled Death Threats: Covert abusers will use sneaky, implied threats to make their victims fear for their lives without explicitly stating an intent to cause harm.
These behaviors are difficult to detect but incredibly damaging. The victim often feels trapped in a cycle of hope and despair, unsure of whether what they are experiencing qualifies as abuse. This psychological entrapment is what makes covert abuse particularly dangerous. The abuser maintains control while appearing reasonable to outsiders.
For many survivors, covert abuse is harder to name and even harder to prove. That’s why WomenSV focuses on educating both survivors and professionals, such as domestic violence advocates, to recognize the signs and respond effectively.
Understanding Coercive Control
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate and entrap a partner by eroding their autonomy, freedom, and sense of self. It encompasses a range of tactics—both psychological and strategic—that extend far beyond physical and sexual violence. Victims may experience constant surveillance, emotional manipulation, threats, and financial restrictions, all of which create a pervasive sense of fear and dependency.
As Ruth Darlene Patrick, Executive Director of WomenSV, explains, "Coercive control describes a pattern of threatening, isolating, and controlling behavior that underlies most forms of domestic violence. It includes subtle forms of emotional abuse like gaslighting and love bombing as well as more extreme tactics such as strangulation and even homicide. Coercive control poses a lethality risk with or without a prior history of physical violence because it involves treating an intimate partner like a possession. And the ultimate right of property ownership is the right to dispose of it, especially when it begins to cause trouble or is no longer deemed to be useful."
This form of abuse may not leave bruises, but its impact runs deep. It systematically dismantles a person’s sense of agency and well-being. Coercive control tends to get more severe and frequent over time, and carries the potential to escalate suddenly into life-threatening physical violence. Through education and outreach, WomenSV seeks to ensure that providers, law enforcement, and community members can identify coercive control, take it seriously, and respond with appropriate support.
Coercive Control as a Lethality Risk
Although coercive control can be subtle and non-physical, it is a well-documented predictor of severe violence. The incremental erosion of a victim’s freedom, paired with escalating threats and dominance, creates an environment of chronic fear and instability.
According to numerous studies, victims of coercive control are at higher risk of experiencing physical assault and fatal violence. In some cases, these victims never endure overt physical harm until the final, deadly act. This disconnect can lead to dangerous underestimations of the threat posed by the abuser.
The concept of coercive control as a lethality risk is supported by research and the lived experiences of survivors. Abusers who seek absolute control are more likely to resort to extreme measures when their control is threatened. That’s why understanding these patterns is critical for prevention efforts.
Through its educational programs like Understanding and Documenting Coercive Control, WomenSV emphasizes that emotional and psychological abuse can and does lead to lethal outcomes. Addressing these warning signs early can help save lives.
The Role of Stalking in Escalating Risk
Stalking is another common tactic employed by individuals exerting coercive control. It is characterized by persistent and unwanted surveillance or contact that causes the victim to feel threatened or unsafe. In the context of intimate partner abuse, stalking is especially dangerous and often precedes lethal violence.
Research by forensic psychologists such as Dr. Reid Meloy has shown that stalking plays a key role in increasing the lethality risk of domestic violence. In fact, stalking is present in approximately 94% of intimate partner homicides. These figures underscore the seriousness of this behavior and the importance of recognizing it as a red flag.
Victims of stalking may experience being followed, monitored, or harassed online and in-person. The obsessive nature of stalking combined with the dynamics of coercive control significantly elevates the risk to the victim.
WomenSV’s training and resources help bring awareness to the links between stalking, coercive control, and intimate partner homicide. By understanding the behavioral patterns and risk factors, advocates and community members are better equipped to intervene before escalation occurs.
Legal Recognition of Coercive Control
One of the biggest breakthroughs in addressing coercive control is its increasing legal recognition. In California, Family Code Section 6320 now includes coercive control as grounds for a restraining order. This legislative advancement represents a major step forward in protecting survivors whose abuse may not be physical but is no less dangerous.
Despite this progress, challenges remain. Covert abuse can be difficult to prove in court, especially without visible injuries or witnesses. Judges, attorneys, and law enforcement officers often need further training to understand the implications and seriousness of psychological abuse.
WomenSV plays a key role in raising awareness about this gap in understanding. By educating professionals about what coercive control looks like and how it can escalate, WomenSV is helping to bridge the knowledge gap in the justice system. Legal recognition is a start, but broader awareness and education about the lethality risks are critical to ensuring survivor safety.
WomenSV’s New Training Program
To further support this mission, WomenSV has launched an online coercive control training course titled Understanding and Documenting Coercive Control: Executive Summary Workshop. This program is designed for service providers, service providers, and advocates who work with survivors of domestic abuse.
The workshop offers:
A comprehensive overview of overt and covert coercive control tactics
Strategies for identifying and documenting different forms of abuse, even without physical evidence
A trauma-informed approach to help survivors feel safe in sharing their story
The training was created to strengthen domestic violence prevention efforts through education, increasing the chances that survivors will be believed, protected, and supported. By encouraging a shift toward proactive, prevention-based responses to domestic abuse, WomenSV aims to help improve outcomes for survivors of coercive control.
Importance of Documentation
One of the most powerful tools in confronting covert abuse is documentation. Because these tactics are subtle and often psychological, survivors need clear, organized records to demonstrate patterns of behavior over time. This can be difficult to accomplish, particularly when survivors are suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), anxiety, depression or other symptoms of trauma which can impact their ability to organize, process and document events in a logical, sequential manner. This is where WomenSV’s course on Understanding and Documenting Coercive Control can offer essentially “left brain” support and guidance in accomplishing a difficult task during one of those most challenging and traumatic periods of their lives.
WomenSV encourages survivors and advocates to:
Keep a private journal or log of incidents
Save messages, emails, and voicemails that reflect controlling behavior
Take photos of damaged property or other indirect evidence
Seek witnesses who can corroborate claims
By providing resources such as Understanding and Documenting Coercive Control: Executive Summary Workshop, free documentation mini-workshops and community education, WomenSV empowers survivors with information and resources to secure the protection they need.
Proper documentation can help survivors obtain legal remedies, such as restraining orders, and build a case that highlights the ongoing nature of the abuse. Still, it’s important to note that WomenSV and Ruth Darlene Patrick do not provide legal assistance or referrals. While organizations that provide domestic violence advocacy and education can provide helpful information, it’s not possible for them to influence, predict or guarantee a particular outcome in cases involving coercive control. Survivors still need to thoroughly research legal options, seek qualified legal counsel and make their own informed decisions.
Supporting Survivors Effectively
Supporting survivors of covert abuse and coercive control requires trauma-informed responses and accessible resources. WomenSV provides educational content and training that emphasize the critical importance of validation, safety planning, and empowerment.
Service providers can improve outcomes by:
Listening without judgment and believing survivors
Being informed about the unique challenges and considerations survivors face when dealing with coercive control and psychological abuse
Sharing information about resources like WomenSV for education and tools to protect themselves
Family members, friends, and colleagues can also play a key role by recognizing red flags and encouraging those affected to seek help.
Educating Providers and Law Enforcement
Education is a cornerstone of WomenSV’s work. The organization provides specialized training for professionals across disciplines, including:
Domestic violence advocates and case workers
Therapists and healthcare providers
Law enforcement and court staff
Cybersecurity and technology companies
Education
By tailoring content to the needs of each group, WomenSV equips professionals with the language and insight to recognize covert abuse and coercive control early on. This is essential to breaking the cycle of abuse and offering meaningful support to those affected. Continued education can close the gap between survivor experience and institutional response.
Public Awareness and Community Responsibility
Raising awareness is key to domestic violence prevention. WomenSV promotes public education through public presentations, interviews and social media campaigns.
The more informed a community becomes, the more prepared it is to prevent abuse, support survivors, and intervene before coercive control has a chance to escalate.
Social Media and Online Awareness Campaigns
Social media has become an essential tool in reaching a broader audience and breaking the silence around covert abuse and coercive control. WomenSV uses platforms like Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok to amplify survivor voices, educate the public, and share tools for identifying and addressing abusive behaviors.
Online outreach allows WomenSV to:
Share survivor stories and insights
Provide accessible education about covert abuse and coercive control
Distribute critical information about safety planning, support groups and available resources
These efforts create a virtual support network for survivors while informing professionals and the general public about the realities of domestic abuse.
Ruth Darlene Patrick’s Vision
Looking ahead, Ruth Darlene Patrick and WomenSV are committed to deepening the public’s understanding of coercive control and expanding educational outreach. Their goals include:
Increasing national and global awareness of covert abuse and coercive control
Developing and distributing training materials that teach survivors, providers and communities to recognize and address coercive control
Protecting the fundamental human right of every adult and child to live in peace, safety and freedom in their own home.
As WomenSV grows its reach, the focus remains on equipping communities, professionals, and survivors with the knowledge needed to prevent abuse and intervene effectively when it occurs.
Reminder: Take Coercive Control Seriously
Covert abuse and coercive control must no longer be misunderstood or minimized. These invisible forms of abuse can—and often do—lead to devastating outcomes. By recognizing the signs, documenting the behaviors, and educating others, we can help prevent further harm and support those already affected.
Whether you’re a survivor, provider, community member, or advocate, your role in raising awareness and sharing resources is crucial. Explore WomenSV’s coercive control training and resources to learn how you can take part in the movement to end covert abuse and coercive control.
By raising awareness around coercive control lethality risks and taking reports seriously, we can save lives.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. What is the difference between covert abuse and overt abuse? Covert abuse refers to hidden, subtle forms of manipulation such as gaslighting, love bombing, and psychological control, whereas overt abuse includes visible and physical acts of violence or aggression, as well as obvious verbal threats. Covert tactics can be just as damaging and are often harder to recognize.
2. Can coercive control exist even without physical violence? Yes. Coercive control is defined by behaviors aimed at domination and isolation that can, but do not necessarily, include physical harm. It includes emotional, financial, and psychological manipulation that restricts a partner’s autonomy and safety and instills in them a sense of fear and entrapment.
3. How can someone begin to document coercive control effectively? Documentation can include maintaining a private log, saving digital communications, and gathering witness statements. WomenSV provides five essential steps to document coercive control in its free mini-workshop, and a step-by-step guide in Understanding and Documenting Coercive Control: Executive Summary Workshop.
4. Where can professionals go to get trained on coercive control? Professionals can enroll in WomenSV’s Understanding and Documenting Coercive Control: Executive Summary Workshop, a 90-minute online training for advocates, survivors, and service providers.
5. How can community members help raise awareness about coercive control? By sharing educational materials, supporting organizations like WomenSV, and learning to recognize the warning signs of domestic abuse, communities can contribute to preventing violence and supporting survivors.
6. How can I support the work and mission of WomenSV? By visiting our website www.womensv.org and clicking on the Donate button, you will be helping us to raise awareness about the lethality risks of coercive control and to work towards breaking the cycle of this insidious and dangerous form of abuse, so that every adult and child can live in peace and safety in their own home.
Stay in touch with WomenSV on social media: YouTube, LinkedIn (Ruth Darlene Patrick and WomenSV), Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook and TikTok.