Covert Abuse and Coercive Control Overview: Part 2
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, presents a two-part overview of covert abuse and coercive control. This second video involves a deep dive into the minds of victims, survivors and perpetrators of covert abuse. Ruth explains the impact of covert abuse on survivors and the motives behind perpetrators' behavior. This discussion covers the pathway to freedom for survivors of abuse, from risk assessment to breaking the cycle and starting the healing process.
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, presents a two-part overview of covert abuse and coercive control. This second video involves a deep dive into the minds of victims, survivors and perpetrators of covert abuse. Ruth explains the impact of covert abuse on survivors and the motives behind perpetrators' behavior. This discussion covers the pathway to freedom for survivors of abuse, from risk assessment to breaking the cycle and starting the healing process.
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Video timestamps:
0:00 Anyone can be a victim or perpetrator
1:21 What do abuse survivors / victims look like?
5:32 Lovebombing, grooming and manipulation silence intuition
7:13 Trauma has a dissociative effect
9:04 Physical DV breaks bones, covert abuse breaks minds
9:42 When is the right time to leave a covert abuser?
14:31 What does a covert abuser look like?
21:23 The Dark Tetrad
31:03 What motivates a covert abuser?
31:36 Covert threats
42:28 The abuser's M.O.
46:41 WEB Scale
54:27 Pathway to freedom
1:17:21 Mental health recovery after abuse
1:22:19 The importance of self-care
1:25:38 Breaking the cycle of abuse
1:34:29 Examples of self-care
1:46:51 Leaving your comfort zone
1:53:36 Thank you to our community partners
Covert Abuse and Coercive Control Overview: Part 1
Join Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, for an overview of covert abuse and coercive control. This video provides an introduction to subtle forms of domestic abuse, detailing the differences between overt coercive control and covert abuse.
Join Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, for an overview of covert abuse and coercive control. This video provides an introduction to subtle forms of domestic abuse, detailing the differences between overt coercive control and covert abuse. Ruth explains the cycle of violence as well as the power and control dynamics involved in coercive control. This discussion also addresses the slippery slope of how abusive relationships begin and escalate over time.
Video timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
2:20 What is domestic violence?
13:19 What is coercive control?
20:11 Overt coercive control
21:52 Covert abuse
29:07 Power and control
1:17:58 The cycle of violence
1:26:12 Abuse and the culture of affluence
1:33:57 The slippery slope of abusive relationships
Deep Dive Into Covert Abuse and Coercive Control for Christian Therapists: Part 2
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, presents a training to help Christian therapists understand and support survivors of covert abuse and coercive control. In this second half of the two-part training, Ruth discusses the impact of domestic violence on children and adults, potential hazards of therapeutic intervention with a covert abuser, considerations for providing trauma-informed care to survivors, tips for helping survivors tell their story and resources for assessing situations involving domestic abuse.
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, presents a training to help Christian therapists understand and support survivors of covert abuse and coercive control. In this second half of the two-part training, Ruth discusses the impact of domestic violence on children and adults, potential hazards of therapeutic intervention with a covert abuser, considerations for providing trauma-informed care to survivors, tips for helping survivors tell their story and resources for assessing situations involving domestic abuse.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this video is intended for educational purposes only. This training is presented as a trauma-informed informational resource to empower therapists with a deeper understanding of covert abuse and coercive control. Ruth Darlene is an advocate, not a therapist, and WomenSV does not offer or practice therapy.
Video timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
2:42 Impact of DV on children and adults
25:48 Hazards of therapeutic intervention with a covert abuser
43:46 Hazards of couples counseling
46:09 Trauma informed care of survivors
53:21 Helping survivors tell their story
58:38 Self-care
Deep Dive Into Covert Abuse and Coercive Control for Christian Therapists: Part 1
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, presents a compassionate perspective that empowers Christian therapists to recognize and support survivors of covert abuse and coercive control. This training video covers the definition and characteristics of covert abuse and coercive control, with true stories to illustrate examples of real-life situations that therapists might encounter with their clients.
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, presents a compassionate perspective that empowers Christian therapists to recognize and support survivors of covert abuse and coercive control. This training video covers the definition and characteristics of covert abuse and coercive control, with true stories to illustrate examples of real-life situations that therapists might encounter with their clients.
As you watch, you will gain a deeper understanding of both survivors and perpetrators of subtle forms of abuse. The discussion includes an overview of the Power and Control Wheel, the cycle of violence, lethality risks associated with coercive control, the slippery slope of how abusive relationships escalate over time, societal pressures that often silence survivors and the impacts of domestic violence.
We’ll dive into different types of coercive control, including overt coercive control, covert coercive control, covert abuse, verbal abuse, and various forms of emotional abuse such as gaslighting.
Stick around to the end to hear us talk about navigating the concept of being a good Christian wife while recognizing covert abuse and coercive control. Being a good, kind, loving Christian does not mean you have to tolerate abuse!
Disclaimer: The information provided in this video is intended for educational purposes only. This training is presented as a trauma-informed informational resource to empower therapists with a deeper understanding of covert abuse and coercive control. Ruth Darlene is an advocate, not a therapist, and WomenSV does not offer or practice therapy.
Video timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
5:23 IPV Statistics
7:19 The Equality Wheel
8:21 The Power and Control Wheel
9:43 The cycle of violence
12:57 Domestic violence definition
14:34 Family Code 6320
16:29 Coercive control definition
25:48 Overt coercive control - verbal
27:14 Overt coercive control - physical
28:53 Covert coercive control
32:54 Covert threats
38:09 Gaslighting
38:30 The slippery slope of abusive relationships
39:22 DV in affluent areas
40:05 Recognizing and understanding survivors / victims of DV
43:58 Impact of DV on survivors
48:36 Recognizing and understanding perpetrators of DV
53:11 Abuse is the opposite of love
54:34 Q+A
Covert abuse and the monopolization of perception
Join Ruth Darlene, the Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, as she explains the lasting impact of monopolization of perception on covert abuse survivors, illuminating the path to reclaiming freedom.
Monopolization of perception is a sinister tactic employed by covert abusers to isolate and dominate their targets, manipulating focus onto themselves. Even after the relationship ends, survivors of covert abuse and coercive control may find themselves ensnared in the abuser's attempts to prevent them from moving on.
Join Ruth Darlene, the Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, as she explains the lasting impact of monopolization of perception on survivors, illuminating the path to reclaiming freedom.
Biderman’s Chart of Coercion is a table that was originally created to describe coercive methods of torture used on prisoners of war. It describes eight tactics of psychological torment that can also be applied to the psychological abuse seen in cases of domestic violence.
Monopolization of perception is one of the eight psychological torture tactics listed in Biderman’s Chart of Coercion.
Image source: Sage Publications
The full chart lists the following methods of coercion:
Isolation
Monopolization of perception
Induced debilitation and exhaustion
Threats
Occasional indulgences
Demonstrating “omnipotence” and “omniscience”
Degradation
Enforcing trivial demands
What to expect after escaping the covert abuser
Ending a relationship with a covert abuser doesn't always mark the end of your challenges. It often opens up a new chapter with unique considerations that differ from leaving a "normal" relationship. Join Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, as she shares insights on what to expect and how to protect yourself after escaping a covert abuser.
In this video, Ruth Darlene sheds light on the common covert abuse tactics that abusers employ to maintain control even after the relationship ends. She emphasizes the importance of safety planning and provides practical considerations for survivors on the path to freedom.
Ending a relationship with a covert abuser doesn't always mark the end of your challenges. It often opens up a new chapter with unique considerations that differ from leaving a "normal" relationship. Join Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, as she shares insights on what to expect and how to protect yourself after escaping a covert abuser.
In this video, Ruth Darlene sheds light on the common covert abuse tactics that abusers employ to maintain control even after the relationship ends. She emphasizes the importance of safety planning and provides practical considerations for survivors on the path to freedom.
Leaving an abusive relationship can be a daunting journey, but remember, it's a significant step towards reclaiming your life and well-being. Don't miss this crucial discussion that can make all the difference in your path to healing and recovery. Your safety and future deserve the utmost attention. Watch this video to learn how to safeguard yourself and find the strength to move forward.
How to heal from covert abuse and find self-love
Join Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, for a discussion about how to heal from covert abuse and find self-love. In this video Ruth shares the impacts that covert abuse and coercive control can have on survivors even after an emotionally abusive relationship ends. Survivors often face a long healing journey while rediscovering what healthy love and self-love looks like, but there is always hope. Watch the video through the end to learn strategies that help to recover and start a fresh new chapter of freedom in life.
Join Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, for a discussion about how to heal from covert abuse and find self-love. In this video Ruth shares the impacts that covert abuse and coercive control can have on survivors even after an emotionally abusive relationship ends. Survivors often face a long healing journey while rediscovering what healthy love and self-love looks like, but there is always hope. Watch the video through the end to learn strategies that help to recover and start a fresh new chapter of freedom in life.
Teen Dating Violence: Covert Abuse and Coercive Control
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, presents an introduction to covert abuse and coercive control with a focus on teen dating violence.
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, presents a video introduction to covert abuse and coercive control with a focus on teen dating violence.
Education is essential to help prevent and address subtle forms of abuse such as covert abuse and coercive control. In this video Ruth shares an overview of covert abuse and coercive control with tips on how to recognize the warning signs, especially in teens and young adults. This discussion covers potential options for offering support to someone you are concerned about and concludes with a list of several available resources.
This presentation was originally recorded for the MVLA Challenge Team. The MVLA Challenge Team partners with leaders from school districts, city and county services, parent and student groups, and other non-profit organizations to support the success of children, youth and families in Mountain View, Los Altos and Los Altos Hills.
Covert abuse and coercive control discussion with Eleni Sagredos and Ruth Darlene: watch the video!
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, discussed covert abuse and coercive control with Eleni Sagredos, who is a survivor, domestic violence educator and author of the book But They're So Nice: Unmasking Covert Abuse & Narcissistic People.
Watch this video to learn about common characteristics of covert abusers, early warning signs, prevention, safety considerations and how survivors can reclaim their power.
Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, discussed covert abuse and coercive control with Eleni Sagredos, who is a survivor, domestic violence educator and author of the book But They're So Nice: Unmasking Covert Abuse & Narcissistic People.
Watch our YouTube video to learn about common characteristics of covert abusers, early warning signs, prevention, safety considerations and how survivors can reclaim their power.
Topics:
0:00 Holidays and covert abuse
2:55 Recognizing subtle forms of abuse
11:18 How abusers choose targets
15:47 Prevention and boundaries
17:59 Early warning signs
27:06 Damage over time
34:16 Common characteristics of covert abuse
49:08 Safety and speaking out
54:46 Trusting intuition
57:26 Love bombing
1:00:05 Finding community and taking our power back
Connect with us on TikTok and Instagram!
K-LOVE Interview with Ruth Darlene of WomenSV about Covert Abuse and Coercive Control
K-LOVE interviewed Ruth Darlene, Executive Director and founder of WomenSV about subtle forms of domestic violence including covert abuse and coercive control.
K-LOVE interviewed Ruth Darlene, Executive Director and founder of WomenSV about subtle forms of domestic violence including covert abuse and coercive control.
The radio interview is now available on our YouTube channel and on K-LOVE’s website! Check it out at the links below.
Empowering Change: WomenSV's New Focus on Education and Prevention of Subtle Domestic Abuse
Over the past 12 years, WomenSV has offered support to more than 1,400 survivors of domestic abuse. Guided by an unyielding commitment to our core mission of empowering survivors, training providers, and educating the public about covert abuse and coercive control, WomenSV has entered a new phase of evolution that holds the promise of even greater impact and community transformation. As the world changes, so too does our approach, and we are excited to share our renewed focus on education and prevention in the realm of subtle domestic abuse.
Over the past 12 years, WomenSV has offered support to more than 1,400 survivors of domestic abuse. Guided by an unyielding commitment to our core mission of empowering survivors, training providers, and educating the public about covert abuse and coercive control, WomenSV has entered a new phase of evolution that holds the promise of even greater impact and community transformation. As the world changes, so too does our approach, and we are excited to share our renewed focus on education and prevention in the realm of subtle domestic abuse.
A Resolute Mission
Founded with a resolute mission to empower survivors with the tools and support they need to reclaim their lives, WomenSV has served as a beacon of hope for those navigating the tumultuous waters of covert abuse. Our journey thus far has been marked by dedication, compassion, and a deep understanding of the complex dynamics that survivors face. We have stood by survivors, walked with them through their healing, and worked tirelessly to ensure their voices are heard.
A New Chapter Unfolds
Today, we stand at the cusp of a new chapter in our organization's journey. Recognizing the evolving needs of survivors and the broader community, WomenSV is embracing education as a cornerstone for lasting change. While our commitment to empowering survivors remains steadfast, our expanded focus on education and prevention is a natural progression, driven by a desire to create a safer world for all.
Education: A Pathway to Empowerment
Education is empowerment, and this philosophy fuels our new direction. By equipping survivors, community members, and professionals with the knowledge and tools to recognize, address, and prevent subtle forms of domestic abuse, we are building a stronger support system for those impacted by coercive control. We believe that informed individuals are better positioned to break free from the chains of abuse and to assist others in their journey to liberation.
Empowering Systems, Protecting Survivors
As we move forward, our focus will be on strengthening our community and provider education. Survivors often encounter a labyrinth of services, and inadvertent re-victimization can occur during this journey. By educating these systems—medical professionals, law enforcement, legal entities, and more—we ensure survivors are met with compassion, understanding, and the support they deserve. This approach amplifies our impact, safeguarding not only the survivors but also those who stand alongside them.
Adapting to the Times
While we remain based in Los Altos, our reach has expanded beyond geographic boundaries. In response to the changing landscape, WomenSV now offers all services remotely, bolstering our ability to serve survivors regardless of their location. This evolution ensures that survivors, regardless of their geographic constraints, can access the support and resources they need to heal and thrive.
Looking Ahead
Our evolution is an ongoing journey, and we are excited to share more about our educational initiatives, provider trainings, and community outreach in the near future. You are warmly invited to stay connected with us on social media, so please click here for a list of all our links!
In the spirit of growth, empowerment, and unity, all of us at WomenSV offer deep gratitude for all of your support in making this transformation possible. Together, we can continue to reshape the narrative around domestic abuse, cultivate awareness, and empower change that resonates for generations to come.
How WomenSV Helps Domestic Violence Survivors
WomenSV helps domestic violence survivors find validation, empowerment, and a sense of hope as they break free from the cycle of coercive control and covert abuse.
For survivors of domestic violence, the journey to healing and rebuilding their lives can be overwhelming and isolating. Domestic violence nonprofit WomenSV is making a significant impact in the lives of survivors, particularly those who have experienced covert abuse and coercive control. Through their programs and services, WomenSV empowers survivors, trains providers, and educates the community to break the cycle of abuse in intimate partner relationships. WomenSV, helps domestic violence survivors find validation, empowerment, and a sense of hope as they break free from the cycle of abuse.
Surviving and Thriving: Life After Covert Abuse
Recently we were asked what keeps us inspired to do the work we do at WomenSV. The powerful stories of resilience, healing and hope shared by our community are a constant reminder that with the right support, even massive challenges can be overcome.
Recently we were asked what keeps us inspired to do the work we do at WomenSV. The stories of resilience, healing and hope shared by our community are a constant reminder that with the right support, even massive challenges can be overcome.
A survivor of coercive control and covert abuse reached out to us for help, whom we will call Lucy for anonymity purposes. She came to us lost, distressed, and broken after her husband engineered an arrest and restraining order against her. This is something we see often with powerful and sophisticated covert abusers who are charming, resourceful, and intelligent. Often, covert abusers poke and provoke their partners until they have a “survivor reaction” where the victim may end up saying something they regret or doing something they normally wouldn’t. The abuser then records the victim and calls the police, and in turn, shows the recording to the officers and the victim ends up getting arrested, issued a restraining order, and/or put on a 5150. This is exactly what happened to Lucy. Her husband recorded her, falsified an incident where he painted himself as the victim of abuse, and got Lucy arrested. She had criminal charges issued against her, a restraining order, kicked out of her house, and her two children taken away from her.
While we do not get involved in the legal process, we were able to offer Lucy education, validation, support, and safety planning. We let Lucy know she wasn’t alone and we were going to do everything we could to support her. She has attended support groups nearly every week since we met her where we have watched her transform from a survivor who couldn’t share her story without breaking down in tears to a warrior woman who is finding meaning in her story. We went to the police station with Lucy where we helped her share her story with an officer to offer safety planning and create an incident report. This is something we often do with survivors. They can speak with an officer and share their story, letting them know that there is no crime in progress and they aren’t in imminent danger. But, they just want to share their story and get extra safety planning from an officer.
In addition to providing another source of high level safety planning, developing a relationship with local law enforcement also served to help her begin to build trust again in a system that is designed to serve and protect the innocent but often gets manipulated by a covert abuser.
We have also helped Lucy with our Executive Summary Workshop where we are helping her detail the abuse in a concise, coherent and organized way which is very challenging for a survivor who has been engulfed in fear and trauma. We continue to see Lucy and celebrate her wins, hold her during her losses, and safety plan with her always.
Lucy, today, has no criminal charges pending against her. She has gone from paying thousands of dollars for supervised visitations to 50-50% custody of her children. She recently has been able to go back to her children’s schools where she was welcomed with open arms and was filled with tears of joy talking to us about seeing her daughter’s school play. Lucy recently told WomenSV that she was so grateful to us because when she met us, it was the first time she felt like she could get through this. She knew someone was going to be with her every step of the way and she finally saw hope.
We've also reached out to the District Attorney’s Office to share with them our experience working with over 1400 survivors so they can more easily spot and respond to common tactics used by sophisticated and resourceful covert abusers in the legal and court system, saving survivors from further risk.
That’s our goal here at WomenSV. We not only shed light on coercive control and covert abuse. We strive to serve as beacons of hope to survivors, letting them know that as long as we are here, they will never again be alone.
Ruth Darlene Patrick, Founder of WomenSV on How to Help a Friend Who is Experiencing Domestic Violence
To support a friend experiencing domestic violence, it's vital to recognize the signs of abuse, approach the friend with care, offer emotional support, and supply valuable resources and practical assistance. By taking these steps, we can contribute to breaking the cycle of abuse and empowering survivors to build healthier lives for themselves and their children.
Learn more from Ruth Darlene Patrick, Founder of WomenSV on How to Help a Friend Who is Experiencing Domestic Violence in this article.
To support a friend experiencing domestic violence, it's vital to recognize the signs of abuse, approach the friend with care, offer emotional support, and supply valuable resources and practical assistance. By taking these steps, we can contribute to breaking the cycle of abuse and empowering survivors to build healthier lives for themselves and their children.
Learn more from Ruth Darlene Patrick, Founder of WomenSV on How to Help a Friend Who is Experiencing Domestic Violence in the article linked below.
WomenSV's Ruth Darlene Patrick on Combating Technology Control and Domestic Abuse
In the hands of domestic abusers, tools like tracking apps, spyware, and social media platforms can become instruments of manipulation, harassment and control. Get more information from WomenSV's Ruth Darlene Patrick on Combating Technology Control and Domestic Abuse in this article.
In the hands of domestic abusers, tools like tracking apps, spyware, and social media platforms can become instruments of manipulation, harassment and control. Get more information from WomenSV's Ruth Darlene Patrick on Combating Technology Control and Domestic Abuse in this article.
WomenSV's Ruth Darlene Patrick on Why Community Education is Important for Understanding Domestic Abuse and Coercive Control
Hear from WomenSV’s Ruth Darlene Patrick on why community education is important for understanding domestic abuse and coercive control in this article.
A primary objective of WomenSV is to raise public awareness and educate professional providers in legal, medical, and social services, as well as the broader community, about domestic violence so that it's harder for abusers to isolate their victims and make them suffer in silence.
Hear from WomenSV’s Ruth Darlene Patrick on why community education is important for understanding domestic abuse and coercive control in this article.
WomenSV’s Ruth Darlene Patrick on Recognizing the Signs of Coercive Control
Learn to recognize the signs of coercive control in this must-read for anyone learning about healthy relationships and breaking the cycle of abuse.
Learn to recognize the signs of coercive control in this must-read for anyone learning about healthy relationships and breaking the cycle of abuse.
From WomenSV’s Ruth Darlene Patrick on Recognizing the Signs of Coercive Control:
"Isolation, monitoring, intimidation, financial abuse, and gaslighting are just a few of the ways abusers maintain power and control over their partners. It's crucial to understand that coercive control is not a one-time event, but rather a pattern of behavior that escalates over time."
Read the rest in the article linked below and share this with your loved ones to help us create a safer world for all!